Prayer with Mary and the Father's Heart

When Robert and I knew we would have a child together, we would discuss at length what we wanted to establish as a foundation, what we wouldn't do and what we wished we had done in the past......well, that's more relevant to Robert since Mary is my first! LOL!
SO - the biggest thing we felt/FEEL is important is being consistent with praying -Praying one-on-one with God, with each other, and as a family at mealtimes, meltdowns (yes, as one night I rocked my child and prayed while she experienced a traumatic night terror - it was one for me, too!) whatever the situation....we want Mary to know that God is ALWAYS there and is ready to listen and talk to her at anytime, for anything. So we started implementing this with Mary, in China.
So Robert and I make sure that every meal and every night, our hands our together and heads are bowed with Mary and she's right along with us - even though she doesn't know the profound significance of this communication, she watches us intently and smiles - what a thrill for my heart and a responsibility too!!! Anway, I really recognize the power of our ACTIONS because a couple of days after we got home, I laid down with Mary for her nap. We're quiet, but laughing and trying to sleep when all of a sudden, she just rolls towards me, faces me with those BIG, BROWN EYES and she puts her hands together in prayer, smiles and ..just looks at me. I put my hands together, smile (oh, my heart is just LEAPING!) and look back......she then, slips her little 'prayer' hands into mine and just leaves them there. I immediately just started to pray to God, thanking Him for Mary and for all He does for us. An incredible moment, one that I will never forget and one that is surely growing me up!
Next, loving music and CeCe Winans the way I do, I just HAD to introduce Mary to a little rhythmic dance move you make during CeCe's song "Pray"......this particular move is very simple, and one day - I WILL get her on video doing this - but she is sooooo ADORABLE, bobbing her head, smiling and moving her little 'prayer' hands from side to side and she does it sooooo well! CeCe would be proud!
Lastly, I grew up surrounded by various environments (certain denominations too - gotta be fair!) that conditioned me to believe that God only loved me if I was "good"....you know, all the moral things a monkey can be trained to do with the exception of giving it's heart to Jesus and being spiritually transformed! I also believed that God did NOT love me when I sinned. I believed that He never forgot my sins too and that's such a cruel lie. The point is - times that I doubted, rebelled, committed sins that I thought would condemn my life forever, times I was really angry at God and pitched a fit, raised my fist and was depressed or whatever.........He DID.....He DOES love me and while I have come to embrace the true Father heart of God in the past few years, He's REALLY laying it on me hard and heavy with my 28 month old daughter!
I love her in the midst of her frustration, I love her so completely when she's angry because she just doesn't see the big picture.....not yet..she doesn't understand....(are you getting this, too?!?!?) I ache for her when she's scared, I cry with her, for her (and for her birth mother) and I'm always watchful of her to protect her, I delight in hearing her laugh and being silly and I'm all but doing the touchdown dance when she learns something, mastered a simple task and I just LOVE it when she falls into my arms, so pleased with herself that she did it! I am adament to tell her how proud I am of her, to tell her 'that's my girl' and.... okay......I DO a few victory dances too, she and I are very cool with that! (until she grows into her teens, so I'm told!).
So more than ever, I'm learning to give myself a break when I screw up as I really see this Father heart, the Parent heart of God as He deals with ALL His children, especially His older children like myself. I don't see Him as a license to sin, - never - I'm just not going to allow guilt, shame, or horrible people who want to be hurtfuland are unaccountable stop me from loving Him and moving forward. My Father, OUR Father, who art in heaven, wants me to grow in the fullness of Him and learn, just as I want that for Mary and I'm so committed and impassioned to live the rest of my life helping to lead her to soak in the presence of her Heavenly Father.