Turning the Corner and Moving On

I don’t know where to start. Every time I recall the day of Mary’s activation, it seems like such a LONG time ago and yet I inhale, exhale and a kaleidoscope of some of the most amazing memories are still filling up my mind and heart….and it’s only been two months. It’s as if I can’t keep the camera or audio on long enough to capture every nuance of her incredible journey.
So Mary can hear sound out of her left ear now! As a matter of fact, when we place the device on, she cautions us, “no loud mama, no loud”. Wow. She could never say that before – everrrrr. And even up to this point, she has been through some hard, very hard struggles emotionally. Through various articles and information from the audiologists, we’re told that as her brain re-trains itself on HOW to listen out of the implant that the sounds she’s hearing initially will sound electronic…..like “Mickey Mouse”…..that should freak out a four year old!

Sometimes Robert & I feel that maybe 2 surgeries in 5 months was too much, that she was pushed too hard as she has let us know without restraint that she had passed her threshold of patience with all of this. I truly believe that I have witnessed her rage and resentment and it must have been so hard for her not to be able to articulate that. I totally got it though it was hard working through the screams and tears, especially mine and dada’s!!! I admire and respect that our Mary is certainly a force to be reckoned with and thank GOD, the exacerbations to her frustrations have subsided a great deal! At this point, we’re thinking that the sound is coming across more naturally as she WANTS to put the implant on now, and seems to be hearing very well, even without the hearing aid on her stronger ear!

Her speech continues to evolve rapidly and more articulately. She’s glad to be back in school and we are watching her progress very, VERY carefully, taking great care to track her gains and make sure she doesn’t lose any ground. Beyond witnessing our Father in Heaven cover our little girl in his handiwork through His power, He continues to teach Robert and me how to steward this blessing. In a sense, it’s as if God is continuing to build up two big kids and our baby girl all at once in our house….and we are more than cool with that.
I have prayerfully considered for some time to close the door on this leg of Mary’s journey as her miracle of adoption has placed her home with us until we enter God’s kingdom. How even the thought of adoption was an adventure and here we are – together as a family. As for her hearing – well, MARY CAN HEAR – and what a journey THAT has been! We still have a quite an exciting road to travel with her as she continues to thrive in the full use of her cochlear implant and we help her get her communication skills where they need to be. So, I’m thinking and praying that I may go another route, creating a new blog while keeping “Mary Updates” on it. We’ll see.

In the meantime, my and Robert’s life together has been so fully enhanced, enlightened, empowered and impassioned with the blessing of our daughter Mary. We praise God almighty for his everlasting love and kindness on the desires of our hearts and for HIS faithfulness in bringing our family together, even when circumstances looked challenging. He really IS a good God and Mary is just one of the many testaments to that. Thank you for allowing me to share this part of her story with you, your love, encouragement and prayers have meant EVERYTHING to us!

Mary @ the Tennessee Aquarium

7 more days.....

Seven more days, and Mary's cochlear implant will be activated! In the meantime, she has recovered very, VERY well - in spite of her recent stomach bug that came out of NOWHERE! Memorial day weekend was rough for us regarding that but in true "Momo" fashion, Mary just seems to bounce back stronger than usual!

Today we went to Mary's ENT and upgraded the hearing aid on her right ear! What an incredible difference! We were so blown away, watching Mary's eyes get big and excited, hearing more (what we would deem) obscure, high-pitched nuances. Needless to say, equipped with a stronger, high-tech hearing aid in one hear and a "Bionic" cochlear implant in the other - baby girl's gonna SOAR! Here are a few pics, including one with her audiologist, Jeanne!

Keep you posted but look for video footage next week of Mary's activation!!!!

Mary's new Phonak Exelia Art Hearing Aid!

Mary & Jeanne, one of her audiologists!

Momo feeling the need for speed!!!!

Post-Op Update

Mary has done extraordinarily well! I hope that this is the LAST major surgery for her.....ever, really but I pray it is. She's had more surgery in her four years on earth than I have in my.....45! (Wow, did I just SAY that?!?! LOL!) Anyway, her "band-aid" was removed as I promised her and she was scared and crying "Ow, ow, ow" as I was cutting it off. Robert & I truly believe that she believed the bandage became a permanent part of her! I  packed some gauze lightly in her ear as she continued to have a small amount of drainage but her spirits just seemed to soar within minutes after removing the big bandage! She was still afraid to look at herself but Robert caught her doing the 'side glance' at herself as they passed a mirror and he asked her if she wanted to see. She nodded 'yes' and Robert said she that when she saw herself without the bandage, she just started pointing to her ear, smiling and rambling off with excitement - I'm sure about her appearance! We got our Mary back at that point!!! And honestly, we were worried. But she's moving full-steam ahead and is back to school this morning. She still experiences some unsteadiness, I'm sure due to where her surgery was in her middle ear and possible fluid accumulating in it. And in true "Momo" fashion, she forgets she's had surgery and plays fast and hard. She's learning to gauge herself and was even excited to go back to school! So the plan for now is that we continue to live life, monitor Mary's progress until her activation day which is June 8th! So here are some updated photos of our sweet baby girl post-surgery, post band-aid,  - rockin' towards the future!!!! God is GREAT!

Mary with her first Gift Basket!

Back to school, making a "funny face" in the parking lot

My sweet Momo showing the whole outfit, complete with her new sandals GeeGee bought her!

Surgery is Over!

God most certainly "showed up & showed OUT" the morning of Mary's surgery. Our biggest concern was her anxiety level of course and Mary did soooo well! We all woke up and Robert & I were very clear to her (spoken with as much love as possible) that we were going to the doctor. She started crying immediately and as best as we could told her that the Dr. was going to fix her ear. She didn't like it but calmed down enough to be cooperative and roll with it as we drove to Vanderbilt.

We were all a bit quiet but as we walked into the lobby Mary was taken with the aquarium and televisions all on the kiddy shows! We signed in and the admissions lady even gave Curious George an ID band which we put around his neck. When they called us to the 'holding room' Mary immediately started to cry. We got her weighed and and went to our little room where eventually we were able to kid around with her and take some pictures. Jessica, the child life specialist met us and Mary really took to her and that visit loosened her up even more!

The really cool thing is that EVERYONE was on board that when the time for Mary to be taken back to the OR, the phrase was, "I'll be RIGHT BACK". Just that phrase alone was priority. Then the anesthesiologists, fellows and residents all came around, asked the same questions but they were WONDERFUL to Mary! One in particular, "Prima" (I guess that's how you spell her name) is half Chinese & half Filipino and she took to Mary right away and I believe, vice-versa. So after Mary had her "goofy juice", she was very relaxed enough that when Prima asked her if she could hold her so that she could show her another room, Mary went right into her arms. Covered in her curious George blanket, holding George and still in her PJs that she refused to take off, Prima announced to us as Mary was listening that "we'll be right back".......SUCCESS!!! Off they went, Robert and I paused still to listen for any screaming or crying and....nothing. We high-five each other and kiss and hug!

Once settled in the waiting room, I'm looking at the left hearing aid in the speciman cup. Wow. We will never, ever see this on Mary's ear again. A sense of finality came over, I suddenly not only felt a loss for this little device that helped began her hearing journey but I started to feel nervous about the surgery. The receptionist pages "Businda" overhead and indicates the call is for me and Prima is on the line to tell me that Mary did GREAT going in the OR! She went on to say that as Mary was introduced to everyone, that she repeated everyone's name and that she was great about inhaling into the mask and went to sleep easily. COOL! PRAISE GOD!.....and that "right now, the Dr. is drilling into her head and audiology is in the room so we will call back when we're about to place the implants. Now would be a good time to get some coffee"......all I really remember hearing was "Dr....drilling into her head"......weird. Disturbing actually but I was grateful to get a play by play & felt a peace, continuing to trust God!

In the meantime, Robert & I get some breakfast, our dear sweet friend Mary Stockard from The Bridge Fellowship stopped by to pray with us and Robert slept while I went through the motions of looking at magazines. Another call - yep, its Prima!!!! Its about an hour and half later and she's informing me that they are putting the implants in and about to test it!!!! She will call us back! Whew, I'm getting hyper now! Thirty minutes go by...phone call anytime now, I just know it! Forty-five minutes goes by...hmmm....getting nervous....one hour goes by and I'm tearful now and just when Robert is giving encouraging words I look up and see Dr. Labadie heading over! He informs us that Mary did GREAT and that they did experience a delay in getting an initial response (probably due to the swelling, bleeding debris from the operation) but that yes, they DID get the response from the cochlear implant they were looking for!!!! We thanked him profusely and eventually headed back to PACU where our little momo was.

Needless to say, recovery is always a tough time but this time - it was really trying because half of Mary's nausea was not only due to the anesthesia but some vertigo and equilibrium issues with surgery. We also think that when she finally saw the mega cup over her ear, even today, I think that's messing with her self-esteem. We were in recovery seven and a half hours and finally got to go home.

(Mary starting to perk up Post-Op)

Today, Mary is quiet but coming around. She's drinking appropriately and toileting well but I'm still catching her looking at her head whenever she can catch her reflection. So, I put a Cinderella sticker on it. She smiled, and I promised her that we would remove her "band-aid" this afternoon. I also gave her a pedicure. I'm also kissing on her and loving on her and probably bugging the crap out of her but we are so grateful that she's home and recovering nicely! Thank you again - EVERYONE for your prayers, encouragement and continued support! We love you all!!!! Now after I wake up Robert from his nap shift - I'll be next!

Mary One Day Post Op.....you can tell she's still processing everything

George holding the Left Hearing Aid for the very last time!

Still Celebrating!!!!

         This last week, we have celebrated TWO YEARS WITH MARY HOME WITH US, rounding out last weekend with a very warm, tender and intimate Mother’s Day with Robert and my Momo! God is GREAT!

      I can’t believe its been over a month since I posted! Well, Mary has surgery to receive a cochlear implant in her left ear this Wednesday May 12th! After a few weeks of healing, she will be “activated” on June 8th - which basically means that she will be able to hear sounds out of that ear for the first time! There will be many follow up appointments to help Mary & her brain re-train how to hear out of that side as the sessions will also require fine-tuning her hearing levels…..that sounds like such a foreign concept - amazing what someone with ‘normal’ hearing takes for granted!

     Nonetheless, we are so fired up to witness the progress Mary will be making, the corners she’ll be turning as she experiences this incredible technology. I think the very first thing we just want to get over is the surgery as Mary still has really bad anxiety going into a Doctor’s office, thanks to how her last trip to the OR went! You know, the LAST thing you tell a child - especially an ADOPTED child is “Tell your parents goodbye”!!! Crazy! We have been promised at her peri-operative appointment that Mary will not experience the “IV” until she’s out; and thankfully, we’ve been ‘playing’ with a doll dressed in a hospital gown complete with cool accessories such as syringes, masks, coloring book thanks to the child life specialists at Vanderbilt! We’ll see how that plays out this Wednesday…hmmmm!
        Mary continues to make such incredible progress with her speech even since her CI workup in March! She seems to just be exploding with language in spite of where her hearing is now. We are also in the process of upgrading her hearing aid on her right ear to optimize her whole hearing/language experience. There will be plenty of pics and you can bet your sweet bippy that we’ll have video footage of her CI activation next month!
    Thank you for your prayers, we ask specifically that Mary fares well with the anesthesia, the operation succeeds without complications and a speedy recovery so that she can finish out her school with her friends who bring her so much joy!!!! This life continues to be sweeter and sweeter, more exciting, experiencing all the incredible things God is doing. I’m grateful to continue to let Him lead me, guide me, heal me and taste the wonder of His love through being a mother, a wife and a daughter of the King - all in spite of myself! I yearn for and praise the day when Mary chooses Him as her Savior, to experience this life at a whole NEW level……and hang on - I KNOW its coming!!!!!!!

APPROVED!!!

All I have time to share with you is that Mary has been OFFICIALLY approved for her cochlear implant - ROCK ON!!!!! Praise God!!!! We have had a chance to get some serious leisure time in since the workup so enjoy the pics!!!! Stay tuned!!!!

Mary enjoying the Easter Basket she won at church - Thanks Aunt Nancy for taking her to the hunt!!!!

Mary & cousin Natalie about to fine-tune the Easter Cake

Ta-daaa!!!!

Happiness - need I say more??????

Bein' silly with Mama at the Porch Party!!!

Mary and little cousin Ivy checkin' out the inventory

Mama & Dada stop for a pose!!!! Shweet!

Mary about to get into mischief as she has her first watergun lesson from Wyler!!!!

FAMILY!!!!

Back to Living Life!

       Yesterday, we completed a week long series of tests and evaluations for Mary’s cochlear implant candidacy. The week was very long and grueling, taking a toll on all of our emotions and mental frames of mind! Thankfully, Robert was off work all week so he was able to be present as well and as much as we dreaded the drive and tests, Robert always reminded me that we came through this together as a family.

      We learned so much this past week, not only about this amazing technology but how it could really take Mary’s hearing, language and speech to much higher level. Also, we were able to see where her baseline was with regards to the length of time she has had her hearing aids in which is almost a year and a half. We were VERY pleased and excited to hear the validation of how far Mary had come since then! Robert and I always think we know how far she has come but to hear it from others who have only met or worked with Mary in a limited time frame - well, we were thrilled to know we were still on track - and THEN some!!!! We really needed that encouragement towards the end of the week because there were disheartening times when during the long audiology tests, that Mary looked around with a blank look on her face when testing her left ear. Another part of her testing had her point to a specific picture when cued audibly and of course when it was her left ear being tested, I saw her shoulders sink as her lack of confidence dropped. She was pointing kind of aimlessly seeking out my facial expressions for confirmation or approval. Of course, she always got a big smile and a lot of enthusiastic clapping from Robert and I, even when she was pointing to the wrong subject. That was hard because Mary is usually so self motivated and sure of herself and I never want her to give up on herself, even when she’s unsure or scared or things get hard. She kept going along in spite of how she felt and I was so proud of her. I believe it was in that moment that Robert and I realized how much further a cochlear implant could take Mary so the matter is settled now in our hearts and we hope and pray it comes to fruition soon!

Again, knowing the gains Mary has made with hearing aids and realizing the possibilities with the cochlear implant we are ‘cautiously optimistic’. Without going into the nuts and bolts of how the decision is finalized to the point of scheduling a surgery, we ask anyone reading this to pray that God’s perfect will is manifested for Mary’s sake.

We are so fired up for the weekend and I know Mary’s ready to go back to school after this week! We still have a lot of research to do on which manufacturer to go with, manage and plan scheduling for the rest of spring and summer but we are sooooo glad this testing is OVER! Time to fit in some serious leisure activities and get ready to really enjoy this spring! God is so good and Mary - Mama & Dada are always, ALWAYS so proud of you, you really shined this week so keep running forward baby girl! We’re right beside you every step of the way!

Mary showing off her "Most Improved" award

Mary & Robert feeding the ducks between appointments!

Our little Momo getting a chance to something OTHER than testing

Great Report!

The post-op visit with Dr. Bryant went GREAT! Mary had just a bit of clotting around the tubes which was typical - more ear drops to clear it up but she has truly turned the corner as you can see!!!! We had the audiologist create some custom ear plugs for Mary in the bath as well as when she goes swimming - of course, Mary helped make them and she loves them!

The Valentines photos are sweet although you can tell Mary is still a little tuckered but today, this morning as I took her to school she really seems to be coming along as she always has, with the exception that she truly hears better! The Dr. stated that the additional fluid that came out of her ear probably contributed to an additional 30 decibel DECREASE in her hearing before so hey - we can tell its made a big difference and Mary can too!

March 2nd is the Cochlear Implant consult for her left ear so we'll see where we go from there. In the meantime, Mary is feeling better, hearing better, we're increasing our speech and signing efforts and loving that she sleeps better! Enjoy the pictures!!!!

Mary perking up with her Valentine Box

Mary REALLY perking up with Chrisopher!!!!

'Lil Momo hanging tough, eating Valentine snacks!

Mary in the kitchen with GeeGee making Sweetheart Sugar Cookies - workin' hard!!!

What a great BAKER!!!!

Dada's home!!!!!

All flirty before school this morning!!! YEA!!!!!

She's Rockin' Along!

I would just love to offer you a glimpse of the most delightful, sweet and endearing photos I took the morning of Mary’s surgery but as fate would have it – my electronically inclined, ever curious little genius of a girl deleted the card file in my camera.

Yep, nothing……nada…..I mean, EVERY picture, every highlight of my life with Mary and Robert and family that I captured on this camera since last November is gone forever!!! The good news is that before Mary’s surgery, I DID download them to our computer. The bummer news is that Mary deleted them AND pictures I took of our brief hospital stay the day after her surgery. No “Mary’s Surgery” pictures!!! I mean, hey – I didn’t even get a chance to download what few pics I had at the hospital and she gets her hot little hands on the camera and with one touch of her finger….gone.
So now that I’ve grieved my photogenic loss, onto the update!!!!
     The morning of the surgery, we get our sleepy head up and dressed in her favorite Disney Princess pajamas that her Aunt Nancy got her. We drove in the dark to the hospital and by that time, Mary was just excited and chatting up a storm, oohing and aahing at the tall buildings, we were all shivering and holding hands in the dark together as we entered what felt like a tomb of a hospital. Kind of eerie getting there that early with hardly anyone around.

    We register and get comfortable in our little room where Mary readily took her “kiddy sedative”….none for Mama or Dada! So we’re taking pictures (that we don’t have anymore) Mary is getting really comfortable and ‘they’ come in, put the bed rails up and advise us to kiss her and tell her “goodbye”. I about fell out – no they didn’t just use the “G” word?!?!?!??! We kiss her and her lower lip starts to quiver bad and she starts crying – loudly! I tell her “we’ll see you later” but she doesn’t hear that, she kicks the covers off, sits straight up in bed and starts to holler and the nurses book out of the room with our baby girl wailing all the way down the hall! I start to cry only because she’s scared and I try to imagine what she’ll think of everything, how she'll think of us, seeing how she woke up happy and excited and is wheeled off by strangers only to wake up feeling like crap! Its not like we could explain what was about to happen to a 4 year old with normal hearing – Mary is just now learning language and how to communicate so we did the best we could…which as a new parent, I’m realizing that our 'very best' sometimes doesn’t feel like it’s enough, especially regarding this event in Mary’s life. So we pray for God’s grace and mercy – LOTS OF IT!

    Waiting, reading and texting our loved ones regarding Mary’s status, time passed with ease and before we knew it, Dr. Bryant comes in with a smile on his face to let us know how it all went down. He informs us that it was “textbook” surgery which meant, that it went fairly perfect! PRAISE THE LORD! He stated that there was hardly any bleeding, that her adenoids were HUGE so the removal of them opened up her airway quite a bit! When the tubes were inserted in her ears, a significant amount of fluid came out, especially out of her right ear which is her strong ear! We could tell Dr. Bryant was glad to give us this good news. So our little Momo had to wait in recovery just a little longer and then she’d be coming back to us! We thanked Dr. Bryant profusely (– he’s really had Mary’s best interest all along, we are so grateful for his sense of urgency and compassion on our daughter) and as the conversation closes and the Dr. leaves, I thank God out loud, kiss Robert on the lips and we are both beside ourselves – we just cannot wait ‘til Mary gets back!

        Eventually, Mary is rolled back into our room looking very pitiful and scared. Robert and I bend over her bed to tell her how much we love her and she sees us and starts crying. I can tell she’s still scared and wonder if she feels betrayed. I think she did. At any rate, Mary had a couple of bouts of nausea and vomiting so the additional recovery time back in the room took quite a bit longer but she finally got where she could hold the liquids down and swallow without any problem although we could tell she was in pain when she did.

      We got back home and I got Mary settled in while Robert filled her prescriptions. She still had some nausea and she indicated at one time that she felt like she was going to throw up by pointing to her mouth and the emesis basin we brought home. She never did throw up again and for the first 48 hours back home, we kept her pain meds steady. Even that very night, the pain meds allowed her appetite to come back and she wolfed down some scrambled eggs!
     So now – we’re almost one week out and Mary is back at school this morning! Her breath is still pretty foul from the surgery but her spirits are high, she only needs some Children’s Motrin once or twice a day, she’s active and just…….MARY!!!! We can tell already what a huge difference her surgery has made. She sleeps soundly and awakes more rested. Hardly ANY snoring – as a matter of fact, the only ‘soft’ snoring we’ve heard is due to the swelling she still has. More significantly, we can tell a huge difference in her hearing with the fluid out of her ears! She really seems to understand us better and her speech even sounds more articulate!!! We’re fired up!
    We still have to monitor her for any possible bleeding as her wounds heal and scab -  her follow up appointment is coming up Monday.
    We anticipate she’ll be plowing through life, full steam ahead with more power in about another week and a half! Next month – we have the consult for the cochlear implant for her left ear so we can’t imagine the gains we’ll see Mary experience in the next few months, not to mention by the end of this year! Mary Katherine Businda is truly, one tough little girl on every level. It’s a given that she’s had to be with the start in life that she’s had. And as Robert and I continue to love on her and help her get to where she needs to be, we are mindful of the responsibility to Mary regarding her spiritual path and how her journey of healing (ALL aspects of it) plays into that. God continues to reveal to us more boldly and outwardly that he IS who he says he is and that his word is unfailing. We are constantly in awe of his work in Mary’s life, in our own life and always humbled that he chose us to be her parents and chose Mary to be our daughter. It is in these moments of clarity in our relationship with God that all other distractions and worldly realities become a lesser burden with little significance. Keeping that clarity – that’s the challenge we have before us and one that’s highly desired!.

Dada, Mary & Mama playing in the snow this past week!

Our little Momo, two days post-op!