Love and Sacrifice

Happy Valentine’s Day to my sweet baby girl, Mary and my awesome man, Robert! Wow, there is SOOOO much to tell Mary about love in this life, especially love between a man and a woman….the way GOD intended. I’m sure both Robert and I won’t have all the answers for her, but the best we can do to help lead her to a healthy understanding is to just keep going forward in our marriage, loving God with everything we’ve got while loving each other with everything we’ve got. Good place to start and it’s been a good foundation for the success of our marriage, anyway.
SO – regarding LOVE, we want Mary to know that no matter if or how many times her heart breaks, remain open to keep sowing love. We all make bad choices or miss details, so when the consequence of that is a broken heart, learning from where ‘we missed it’ is the wisdom we carry with us when taking that risk to love again; Putting the wall up because you’ve been hurt not only keeps love OUT – but when we get consumed by our hurt it can deceive us to believe and hold this unrealistic (and unfair) expectation of others that perhaps, we may expect them to love us MORE while we hold out and throw them a bone every once in a while…...yeah, unfortunately there’s a market for that sad (selfish) mentality but it exists and it’s a mindset that we want to make sure Mary doesn’t buy into! If it doesn’t line up with scripture, how can we profess God’s standard regarding giving and receiving love?! Robert and I are committed to teach Mary to weigh and line up her decisions, opinions and choices, especially about love and relationships based on GOD’S WORD. If God’s word conveys that we reap what we sow, then….if you want love, you’ve got to GIVE love!
Sacrifice: When I met Robert and started to get to know him, one of the things I fell in love with was his love for his children and how he had even put aside his dreams of climbing higher at the company he works for – to spend more time with them. He LOVES what he does and LOVES his company and years ago - wanted to live in Louisville and continue his ascent as the doors opened. But more than his career, he loved his children. And while he was a divorced father, his heartfelt desire to BE there for his children, to love them, to build that relationship with them and remain ACTIVE in their lives meant more to him than a promotion or a lateral move outside of the state. Children of divorced parents don’t always have the time and presence they need with BOTH parents (it's more time with just one or the other) and that’s just a sad consequence of divorce; but truly, I’ve never known a man such as Robert that busted his rear to be as much of an active father to his children within the circumstance, as much as he could and can. That was a selling point to me regarding the possibility of taking the relationship we already had to a higher level – his integrity, commitment, love and sacrifice for family. I’m proud and encouraged that Mary has that model, that standard of a man, set as an example when the time comes that she desires such a relationship. Robert has set the bar high.
My last thought of sacrifice and love comes from Mary’s birthmother. I cannot possibly know until we get there, the enormity and importance of what knowledge and closure will mean for Mary. As she continues to grow up and process cognitively God’s miracle of uniting us as mother and daughter, I am trying to brace myself for the lingering questions and anguish she may have of not knowing ‘why’ or ‘who’ or anything more specific of her beginning and our union. THIS I DO KNOW – that her birthmother WANTED her to be found; otherwise she would not have placed Mary so close to the police station. What a risk and sacrifice of love for a mother to make sure her sick, three month old daughter would be found and taken care of. Had she NOT loved Mary she could have easily left her somewhere hidden from everyone to die all alone. I don’t know if we’ll ever know the true circumstance of her birth mother’s decision - if it was financial, if it was because of the one child policy, if it was Mary’s heart defect, or all of the above but it’s painfully obvious that it was a decision based on love for Mary.
A few months before we left for China, I was praying for Mary and her birth mother came to my mind and I just grieved and prayed for her birthmother and begged God to give her a peace in her heart regarding Mary’s well-being. Because I have experienced such peace - being comforting, powerful and healing, I hope and pray that Mary’s birthmother has experienced it and that she has it – she certainly deserves it. Love and sacrifice, designed by God is precious, exquisite and cannot be bought. It makes life worth living…..and celebrating. It is my deepest, heartfelt prayer that Mary realizes that the love of God has been with her and has followed her from His very idea of her in heaven, to her birthmother from across the world, to my heart and her life here with Robert and I until she returns to Him in eternity. That truth should be more than enough to assure her that she is loved. I am grateful that we celebrate such a holiday to express love from the heart!

I think I've got it!

If this works - wow - enjoy and more to come!!!

HOORAY for Mary's School!

Okay - does THIS look like the face of a little 3 year old who is afraid of going to preschool?!?!?! Yep, she's totally rockin' and Mama and Dada could not be more confident of this transition! The administrators and teachers at this school are absolutely dynamic, warm and passionate about the academic and overall welfare of these children which speaks volumes about the care that Mary will receive while she is attending this school!

Without further ado, these pics pretty much tell how Mary will be adjusting - Praise be to God, His timing is everything and we think Mary is totally ready for this phase in her journey!

Mary meeting her new girlfriends before they "spin"!

Here is Mary's 'chatty' girlfriend is showing her the routine and steps!

Baby girl at another table, working on craftsOk - here is Ms. Mary showing off her "5-O drop and roll stunt" (Book'em Danno).....then she....

........is leaving the boys choking in the dust!!!!!!

She is content figuring out the blocks now......yep - we think she'll do just fine!!!

Exciting Days ahead!!!

Well, for our 10 year anniversary, Robert and I were not feeling comfortable about just up and leaving Mary for a vacation together so we made Opryland Hotel our "Love Shack" for a weekend while Mary stayed at Aunt Nancy's!!!!! Wow - we didn't know how that would go but we made it a point to be close by in case Aunt Nancy had to deliver our little package to the hotel to stay with us.

Baby girl did GREAT! She loves her Aunt Nancy and LOVES cousin, Jacob who hung out with her too! We are so grateful for the relationship that Mary is developing with her Aunt Nancy, cousin Jacob (I have officially dubbed him now as Mary's "Bodyguard"!) - as well as the rest of the family. She just lights up a room everywhere she goes and we are so blessed to have such a sparkle in our lives! SO - Mama and Dada got the romantic weekend all to themselves and Mary spent a great weekend with Aunt Nancy........who has made herself available for future sleepovers in which Mama and Dada are soooo gonna take her up on it! By the way - dig the awesome jumper Nancy made for Mary!!!!

Next, MARY STARTS PRESCHOOL!!!! Holy Moley, it's only been 8 months (8 MONTHS?!?!?!) and our baby girl is going to preschool 5 days a week for about 6 hours a day... Dang - what in the wide, wide world of sports do 3 year olds DO for 6 hours????

Anyway, her day will consist of social skills, speech therapy, whatever it is they teach 3 year olds as applicable to preparing them for higher levels of education AND she will have a hearing impaired educator to round out this experience! She has an amazing team and we are SO excited that Mary will be around and exposed to more children on a consistent basis - I can tell sometimes that she gets a little lonely for someone her own age so I think this will alleviate most of that! The administrator explained to me that she placed Mary in a specific classroom as there were two other very "chatty" little girls! She felt they would be very good language models for Mary (party on!) and she also cautioned me that one of them had a very strong southern drawal! We figured anyway that Mary would have a southern accent just because she's in the greatest southern state anyway and hey - I don't care what her accent is - as long as she's speaking english and she's very chatty!!!! The only drawback is that Mama's separation anxiety is wrecking havoc in my heart! I was grateful that the administrator has arranged for Mary and I to hang out at school in the class she will be attending before she actually starts - I don't want to just drop her off and leave her shellshocked at a place she's never been. Everyone agrees its a good plan - and I have faith it will help tremendously in the transition!

Good things to come this year as Mary's world is ever expanding and our life is now more cohesive as a family with somewhat of a routine now! Thanks be to God, thanks for our family and for Mary's new preschool!!!!

An Anniversary Letter to Robert

Dear Robert,
I am so sorry that your cards did not make it to you in time– I can’t blame anyone else but me but boy – life as a mother sure is different!!!

Anyway, the past 10 years of being your wife have been an incredible journey. I am sure that like you, there were times that I thought we may not make it, times I thought “what the hell did I just commit to?!?!” but most of all ( I NEED YOU TO KNOW THIS)…..the majority of my time with you has felt like:
a. I did the right thing – because -
b. I’m glad I listened to God
c. Because of “b”, I received an exceptional partner
d. Oh – and because of “b” I now have an exceptional daughter which makes us more like the thing they call, ‘family’...a really exceptional one!
e. My husband loves God and knows Him as a friend! I KNOW in my heart that our God knows you, Robert and knows you as His friend!
f. I have a hot guy
g. I have a hot guy who is a hot lover! Yeah, baby!
h. I have a great friend AND a worthy sparring partner
i. There is no where else on earth that I would rather be than here with YOU and that any tears, doubts, anger or resentment that I have experienced has made me stronger, wiser, it has all grown me up, it has brought me closer to God, to you, committed and….still……married…to YOU!!!!! Any tears, doubts, anger or resentment is also NO match for the joy, intimacy, passion, truth, love, LAUGHTER, excitement, adventure and shared intimacy with God (that most couples don't share together) that has flowed over in abundance as an answered prayer for both of us.

Truly, for the first time ever in my life, I am a happily married woman to a wonderful man with a beautiful, spicy daughter. Thank you for the journey, thank you for not giving up on me or “us” and thank you in advance for all of the adventures yet to come;
I have no idea how or when God has our story end but in the meantime, I am so excited to ride this baby out with you with all the love, passion, truth and openness that I can possibly give to both you and Mary! You are an amazing husband and a wonderful father to not only our Mary but to your Jennifer and Brian as well.
Happy Ten Year Anniversary my love bunny and know how much I love you – know how much of a difference you’ve made in my life and please know that I am a better woman because of you !!! God IS good!

Forever Yours –
Your Wife –
Ronda

Short Pictorial Year in Review

SO - we have been blessed to have experienced so many milestones and memories with Mary since May of this year! I'll post just a few pics, especially when we got her from Hefei City. Have a very blessed new year - MAKE IT COUNT and don't waste it!!!! Love - Robert, Ronda and Mary!

Our VERY first glimpse of Mary as we entered the Civil Affairs Office, May 5th in Hefei City

I had just given Mary this Curious George Doll, so I was able to get closer to her!

This was our very LAST day in China - after our 'swearing in' ceremony in Ghuangzhou.

Mary (MeiMei) with her JeiJei (big sister) Jennifer at Opryland Hotel, November 2008

Mary and big brother, Brian in May of 2008

Our first family vacation in Destin Florida, October of 2008

Mary, Robert and I before our lunch arrives at Opryland Hotel, November 2008
Mary's first Rocking Pony, given by Grandpa on her first Christmas 2008!

A Christmas Letter to Mary

Dear Mary,
There is nothing more comforting and peaceful to me than to be the only one awake in this house and listen to you breathe softly and steadily while you sleep. Soaking in the quiet and stillness of this evening, the very sound of you stays with me. I’m looking at the Christmas tree and all the decorations and I am just beside myself, wondering what you make of all this. I see the wonder in your eyes (and by the way, your eyes reveal a lot!) so I know that this first experience of Christmas has gone beyond amusing you….. it has captured your heart.
So now, as your mother, I have to be open and listen (carefully) to how God wants me to lead you beyond the symbolisms, traditions and commercial eye candy – to the real magic. The miracle of the birth of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Your Savior! The only plan that would reveal God on a level that His creation (us, the world) could relate to…..God in the person of Jesus Christ. Yeah, it’s a lot for me to take in still but, I promise you that it’s not only true, its plan is a foundation for freedom on every level – especially as a woman. (We’ll get into THAT good stuff, later! ☺) Look, the older you get and the more you get into HIM, you’ll know what I mean. Once you understand how it all began with Jesus, you WILL know what the true spirit of Christmas really means and as a Christian - you will know why Christmas can be a very powerful and special time of intimacy with God. For now though, I’m keeping myself in check, realizing you can only take in so much as a toddler, a toddler who has only been with her forever family just over 6 months. I’ll go with His flow and commit myself to the task of making sure your first Christmas will be rockin’!
In the meantime, I’ve thought long and hard of what I want you (Hope for you) to experience in this life within a relationship with Jesus as your Savior. I have made that list available to you in a separate letter, one of many which I will write to you through the years; I have found that when I can claim some uninterrupted, ‘quiet’ time and I write, it helps me articulate my thoughts and heart more concisely, with focus and a truthfulness and transparency that can sometimes otherwise get ‘diluted’ or distracted by the noise and whatever else is going on in the immediate world. You will read my thoughts, my heart, prayers and input uninterrupted, uncensored and laid out for your eyes only to process in your heart. I am hopeful that as you grow and find some of this precious kind of time that you will find the rewards of writing and journaling or whatever it is that God lays on your heart to do to grow stronger and wiser in Him.
I love you so much, and as a mother – I truly get the heartache and longing to want the very best for you, but most importantly, knowing that the very best for you has already been delivered to you through Jesus Christ. He is the best gift you will ever receive and he is presented to you from God the Father with a love for you that surpasses all understanding, full of peace and endearment. Merry Christmas, my sweet baby girl – and know that YOU are an answer to my and Dada’s prayer! We love you!