Happy Valentine’s Day to my sweet baby girl, Mary and my awesome man, Robert! Wow, there is SOOOO much to tell Mary about love in this life, especially love between a man and a woman….the way GOD intended. I’m sure both Robert and I won’t have all the answers for her, but the best we can do to help lead her to a healthy understanding is to just keep going forward in our marriage, loving God with everything we’ve got while loving each other with everything we’ve got. Good place to start and it’s been a good foundation for the success of our marriage, anyway.SO – regarding LOVE, we want Mary to know that no matter if or how many times her heart breaks, remain open to keep sowing love. We all make bad choices or miss details, so when the consequence of that is a broken heart, learning from where ‘we missed it’ is the wisdom we carry with us when taking that risk to love again; Putting the wall up because you’ve been hurt not only keeps love OUT – but when we get consumed by our hurt it can deceive us to believe and hold this unrealistic (and unfair) expectation of others that perhaps, we may expect them to love us MORE while we hold out and throw them a bone every once in a while…...yeah, unfortunately there’s a market for that sad (selfish) mentality but it exists and it’s a mindset that we want to make sure Mary doesn’t buy into! If it doesn’t line up with scripture, how can we profess God’s standard regarding giving and receiving love?! Robert and I are committed to teach Mary to weigh and line up her decisions, opinions and choices, especially about love and relationships based on GOD’S WORD. If God’s word conveys that we reap what we sow, then….if you want love, you’ve got to GIVE love!
Sacrifice: When I met Robert and started to get to know him, one of the things I fell in love with was his love for his children and how he had even put aside his dreams of climbing higher at the company he works for – to spend more time with them. He LOVES what he does and LOVES his company and years ago - wanted to live in Louisville and continue his ascent as the doors opened. But more than his career, he loved his children. And while he was a divorced father, his heartfelt desire to BE there for his children, to love them, to build that relationship with them and remain ACTIVE in their lives meant more to him than a promotion or a lateral move outside of the state. Children of divorced parents don’t always have the time and presence they need with BOTH parents (it's more time with just one or the other) and that’s just a sad consequence of divorce; but truly, I’ve never known a man such as Robert that busted his rear to be as much of an active father to his children within the circumstance, as much as he could and can. That was a selling point to me regarding the possibility of taking the relationship we already had to a higher level – his integrity, commitment, love and sacrifice for family. I’m proud and encouraged that Mary has that model, that standard of a man, set as an example when the time comes that she desires such a relationship. Robert has set the bar high.
My last thought of sacrifice and love comes from Mary’s birthmother. I cannot possibly know until we get there, the enormity and importance of what knowledge and closure will mean for Mary. As she continues to grow up and process cognitively God’s miracle of uniting us as mother and daughter, I am trying to brace myself for the lingering questions and anguish she may have of not knowing ‘why’ or ‘who’ or anything more specific of her beginning and our union. THIS I DO KNOW – that her birthmother WANTED her to be found; otherwise she would not have placed Mary so close to the police station. What a risk and sacrifice of love for a mother to make sure her sick, three month old daughter would be found and taken care of. Had she NOT loved Mary she could have easily left her somewhere hidden from everyone to die all alone. I don’t know if we’ll ever know the true circumstance of her birth mother’s decision - if it was financial, if it was because of the one child policy, if it was Mary’s heart defect, or all of the above but it’s painfully obvious that it was a decision based on love for Mary.
A few months before we left for China, I was praying for Mary and her birth mother came to my mind and I just grieved and prayed for her birthmother and begged God to give her a peace in her heart regarding Mary’s well-being. Because I have experienced such peace - being comforting, powerful and healing, I hope and pray that Mary’s birthmother has experienced it and that she has it – she certainly deserves it. Love and sacrifice, designed by God is precious, exquisite and cannot be bought. It makes life worth living…..and celebrating. It is my deepest, heartfelt prayer that Mary realizes that the love of God has been with her and has followed her from His very idea of her in heaven, to her birthmother from across the world, to my heart and her life here with Robert and I until she returns to Him in eternity. That truth should be more than enough to assure her that she is loved. I am grateful that we celebrate such a holiday to express love from the heart!
